You Don’t Know

When I was 15 years old my friend R made a disparaging comment about gay people.  This was back in the 70’s and we were both good Christian girls so it was so totally OK.  She’d said “it” was disgusting, gross, and defied God’s law.  I said—  “mmm, if you’ve never been attracted to a girl how can you say it’s disgusting?”

I’m not attracted to girls– I’ve always looked at men as the object of my possible desire since I first saw JF’s biceps– I would have been thirteen, I suppose, and JF was older, maybe 16.  My eyes were glued to those biceps, those deltoids, the sharpness of his jaw– I thought he was the yummiest.  So, nope, never a glimmer for another girl.  That’s a life experience I can’t know, so I defer to gay and lesbian people to describe to me what that’s like.  Now, if I follow the bible (and I no longer do), I understand it’s considered an abomination, as was (key word, there, “was”) having sex while on your period and jerking off.

Hmmm.  Let’s think about why those three rules would come about, and why one might be vilified more than the other two.  Could it be that the writer of Leviticus (don’t think it’s known for sure, could be Moses but maybe not), back in 500 or 600 BC (a LONG TIME AGO) was exhorting the Levites to be fruitful– to increase their numbers–because back in that day, tribes survived or did not partially based on the health and number of their members.  So if you have sex while on your period, chances are good you won’t conceive (but your husband will maintain his interest in you so it’s likely when you have sex next week you could produce another tribe member).  If your husband jerks off, chances are really good you won’t conceive (and shame on your husband for spilling the seed– this was the valuable potential tribe member– but your husband has maintained interest in you so it’s likely when you have sex next week you could produce another tribe member).  But for the gay tribe member, because Moses (whomever) knew there were gay members –because there have always been gay people, people! –for the gay guy, Moses (whomever) knew the gay guy can’t act on his impulse because it won’t produce another tribe member.  Not surprising here.  Religious rules have always protected the group that “has God’s favor.”  If we’re to keep the Levites going (in deprivation, on journeys, against other tribes), we need every gay guy planting seed.  Period.  Just as they always have until recently, gay guys, –and lesbians-, have been forced into marriage with straights because of societal rules– if you want sex at all, you must have it with someone who doesn’t attract you, because we say so.  And because the tribe was the only means of surviving, that’s what you did.  That’s what you did until the 50’s, that’s what you do if you’re a member of a cult church even today.

We eat pork safely, shellfish too.  We have evolved to the point that women can have their long hair and most or all of their bodies exposed and remain free of molestation;– we are not barbarian, we are as civilized as our temperate brains and hearts can muster.  The tribe no longer needs this archaic help to grow, the tribe is TOO GODDAMNED BIG as it is.  We don’t need gay guys to marry women, we don’t care if you jerk off, and in an irony lost on cult church members, we need gay people to de-closet themselves more than ever to reduce our rate of re-population and in some cases to adopt all these babies we’re saving from abortions.

When cult church members use the word “choice”  I’m repulsed by the arrogance of it.  You  don’t know what that experience is like.  You don’t know how unfair it is, to awaken at 6 or 10 or 13 years old and realize you have to swim upstream.  Bear with me for a fucking second: pretend that when you first discovered you were attracted to the opposite sex, someone said to you, “sure you can date but it has to be within the same sex.”  Followed by “sure you can marry but it has to be within the same sex.”  Followed by “Okay, you can furtively have sex with someone of the opposite sex, and very very very much under the radar you can build a super quiet life with that person, but it will never be legitimized, it will never be public, no one will ever say, ‘good for you for hitting this grown up milestone!'”  Who chooses that??!!

We are told by cult church members that to equate this struggle with the civil rights battle of the 60’s is to belittle what black people suffered.  No.  No belittlement whatsoever.  The civil rights struggle is testimony to white arrogance; white people telling black people they should know their place and be content with a small life and diminished status.  The push for civil rights for gays is a testimony to the arrogance of the cult church; people who presume to know the will of God (presume to know God at all!) telling gay people they should know their place and be content with a small life and diminished status.

To assume that you know another’s experience and to pass judgment on the choices that come from that experience is ignorantly horribly smug.  You call it sin, and by doing so you look like a dinosaur.

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